10 classic coin-ops you have to play right now
Archive.org’s put a retro arcade inside your browser, and here are the best games to play
Update: Since we originally posted this piece, some of the games have been taken down. Therefore our list now includes some new ones. Well, old ones, because they’re retro games. Oh, you know what we mean.
Retro-gaming is quite often more about misty-eyed nostalgia than reality, but some of those old games really were classics.
Now, thanks to archive.org’s Internet Arcade, several hundred ageing arcade titles are available to play instantly, in your browser.
As ever, there are some caveats. In testing, we found only Firefox is fast enough to cope well with many of the titles, and even then you quite often get choppy sound. Furthermore, classic games don’t always control well when you’re trying to save the universe using your PC’s keyboard.
Therefore, Stuff.tv has heroically combed through the 900 or so titles on offer, to find the select few that are still loads of fun to play and aren’t going for a glitch world record.
You’ll find instructions for how to play the games further down the page – don’t worry, it’s very easy – but for now, on with the list o’ fun…
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1. Joust
We’re pretty sure jousting usually involves two people belting towards each-other on horseback, trying to knock their opponent to the ground with a big stick. Not in Joust, where horses are replaced by a giant flying ostrich (your steed) and evil buzzards (those of your foes).
Collide with an enemy when your altitude is greater and they’re defeated and turn into an egg. But let your prize linger and it turns back into an enemy knight. Clearly a game that plays fast and loose with history and the concept of evolution, Joust also happens to be one of the best (and under-appreciated) classic videogames of them all.
HOW TO PLAY
2. Gauntlet
Long before Diablo was even a twinkle in its developer’s eye, Gauntlet was enabling gamers to crawl dungeons and smack seven shades out of ghosts, demons and anything else unfortunate enough to get in their way.
Gauntlet‘s gameplay is timeless – roam dungeons; grab keys; open doors; pilfer treasure; shoot anything that moves – and although it looks and sounds basic in this modern age, you’ll forget all that when your warrior is about to die, surrounded by fire-spitting demons and legions of ghosts.
3. Berzerk
We used the word ‘basic’ in the previous entry, but it’s clearly more relevant here. Berzerk is the oldest title in this list (from 1980, being released in the USA before even Pac-Man), but it’s also one of the most important.
It was one of the earliest pure action shooters, combining a real-time take on ancient strategy title Robots with a techno-horror dream the developer experienced. It introduced algorithmic maze generation and a surprising amount of speech; to our knowledge, it’s still the only arcade game to blare “Chicken! Fight like a robot” as you flee out of an exit and away from certain death.
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4. Pengo
It turns out the Antarctic’s a whole lot more violent than you’d realised from David Attenborough’s nature shows. When camera crews aren’t around, it’s all-out warfare, according to Pengo, with heroic penguins valiantly battling invading Sno-Bees.
Your foes can either be avoided until the timer ticks down or crushed by sliding blocks of ice at them; in return, they’ll home in on your position, along the way destroying any ice blocks you’d hoped to weaponise. Frosty!
5. Ghouls ’N Ghosts
This platform/run-and gun title is a sequel to the somewhat similar Ghosts ‘N Goblins. Indeed, even the original game’s plot is recycled, in that it sees Arthur the knight attempting to rescue his love, who’s been kidnapped by a demon.
To save her, the knight must work his way through ghoul-infested graveyards, the ominously named Town of Fire, the Crystal Forest (also full of bones), and a decidedly unwelcoming castle.
Where this title beats its predecessor is in allowing Arthur a touch more freedom of movement, and in having utterly gorgeous pixel art that’s some of the best in gaming history. Beware, though: this is also one of the toughest classic games around.
6. Badlands
Although nothing to do with a recent iOS/Android classic featuring a flying critter navigating forests full of evil, this Badlands has plenty of its own hostile terrain. The concept’s rather simpler though: it’s a top-down racer set in the aftermath of a nuclear war.
We’re not sure why survivors have prioritised racing larks over other aspects of survival, but this mash-up of Super Sprint and Mad Max is silly fun as you blaze around tiny wasteland tracks, blowing up your opponents and zooming towards the chequered flag.
7. Lode Runner
Surprisingly few people know Lode Runner, but it’s up there with the very best classic games. The aim is to collect all the gold within single-screen platform-and-ladder levels. The snag: you’re being relentlessly chased by guards. One touch and you’re dead, but fortunately you can dig holes that the blithering idiots stumble into, which also forces them to drop any gold they might have taken for themselves.
This is a fast-paced, brilliantly conceived title with some clever AI and fantastic level design, and the arcade effort’s cute characters makes it distinct from the more abstract home versions. (If you hanker for further retro Lode Runner thrills, grab it for your smartphone.)
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8. Robotron
If you lack the time, inclination or kit to use a gamepad to play Robotron, you’re going to have to perform some intricate finger gymnastics across eight keys. That’s because this is the original twin-stick shooter, in part created because designer Eugene Jarvis hurt his hand and could no longer play Berzerk. He figured one stick to move and another to shoot would be a solution.
The title then packed an insane number of death-dealing robots into its tiny static screen, instilling a sense of panic in the player, who had to run, shoot, strafe, save the last human family, and then repeat that over and over until their inevitable demise.
It’s hard as nails, but a hugely important title in gaming’s history and also one of the very best.
9. Pang
Asteroids was hard enough, pitting a tiny spaceship in wraparound space against infinite very hard rocks. Pang shoves the concept inside a shoebox, having The Buster Brothers deal with bouncing balloons that are apparently terrorising the world’s cities.
With you robbed of the means to move in any direction, due to pesky gravity, Pang fast becomes a stern test of rapid route-planning and arcade reactions, so that you’re not duffed up by multicoloured bouncing invaders.
10. Mr. Do!
It’s staggeringly unlikely you’ll find Mr. Do! on many best-of lists of old-school arcade titles, but we’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for it, and it works very well with the Internet Arcade.
The idea is to dig through the dirt and collect cherries (that some oddball has buried), avoiding little monsters in hot pursuit. Mr. Do! can fling a ‘power ball’ at a nearby monster to buy himself precious seconds or drop an apple on its head. (We’re not sure what message this game sends children about eating your five a day.)
Honourable mention: Q*Bert
One of the earliest games with isometric graphics, Q*Bert also introduced classic gaming’s most potty-mouthed protagonist. As Q*Bert bounces about, colouring in each level’s squares, he must avoid bouncing balls and springy snakes. If he collides with one, death beckons after a brief bout of swearing.
This being a game from the early 1980s, Q*Bert shields you from anything especially naughty, the speech balloon showing “@!#?@!” and the digitised speech being incoherent. That said, given a few levels of this surprisingly frustrating game, you’ll be able to add colourful words of your own in no time.
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Craig Grannell
Contributor 
