Dumb phones and smart rings won’t help when I need a tech detox
When I want to detox from tech, the solution probably isn’t going to be yet more tech
In tech, nothing truly dies. Old ideas are rudely awakened from blissful slumber, by companies intent on reselling them to people who should know better. Right now, ‘dumb phones’ are in vogue, harking back to simpler pre-smartphone times. Optimistic folk argue they help you detox from tech. A nice idea. Alas, it’s also rubbish.
At least, that’s how I see it. Because when devices claim to be ‘distraction free’, ideas of what that means vary wildly. Some phones really do strip things back to the basics. At which point only the most hardcore luddite nods semi-approvingly, muttering that, really, things would be better if phones had never freed themselves from being attached to walls in the first place.
More often, companies second guess what people really need. Messaging! Music! A camera! Snake! Bit by bit, they add one more thing, and then another. Before you know it, you’re sitting there with an Android blower that’s not wildly different from the one you were trying to get away from. Hence, presumably, people increasingly wrestling with screen time systems and minimalist launchers on actual smartphones to make them seem boring. Which introduces a tiny snag in that those things can be turned off.
Scream time
What we really need for a tech detox is to turn off all our devices. However, given that you’re reading a website dedicated to gadgets, you might suggest that’s a tad extreme. Surely, we don’t need to lob all our gadgets into the nearest hedge, in order to live meaningful, fulfilling lives? (Only briefly pausing to remove the tech from said hedge and dutifully place it in a recycling bin.) Maybe the real problem was hinted at by dumb phones and launchers: smartphones are just too interesting. And that’s because of regular dopamine hits from gawping at screens. Get rid of those and then we’ll be sorted!
Also: no. I’ll admit that in eradicating screens, gadgets become far more limited. Whether that’s a record deck or an iPod shuffle, screenless tech is by its very nature more focused. But these limits can be frustrating, and result in you spending an awful lot of time faffing about setting things up, or getting to things you want. Half the time, it’s like scrabbling around in the pitch dark for a light switch. Time saved from not doomscrolling just ends up wasted on busywork instead.
Ring in the changes
On that basis, it’s not just the screen that’s the problem. And after a few minutes thoughtfully considering this, the modern tech industry had a brainwave. If dumb phones and even screenless kit aren’t enough for a full tech detox, get rid of an interface entirely! Enter: the smart ring. They do important stuff like monitor your health, log workouts, and let you pay for stuff while nonchalantly waving your finger at a payment machine. And they make real the dream of tech freedom! Right up until people start griping that they want just one more feature. Because everyone’s one more feature is different.
So savour the moment. Gaze lovingly at your Samsung Smart Ring and labour under the misconception that you’ve forever escaped from the hustle and bustle of the tech world. For now, you have your tech detox when you need it, but it will be short-lived. Before long, consumers will clamour for smart ring headphone support and holographic displays that project vitally important cat videos on to the nearest wall. Tech companies will do their utmost to give it to them. At which point, we’ll surely all admit we’re doomed to never escape tech’s pull.
Well, with one possible exception… Where is the nearest hedge?
Craig Grannell
Contributor 
