What search engines teach us about the state of the world
Because the questions you ask reveal the weird stuff we think
What search engines teach us about the state of the world
Search engines are a treasure trove of information, but the things they suggest as you type reveal more than you might think about the people that use them: that’s you. We took to Google and Bing armed with a selection of generic sentence starters, to see what their autocomplete options would reveal to us about the world.
1. What is the…
A worrying number of people seem to have used Bing at some point to ask what the internet actually is. That’s understandable in a way, because the world wide web is a complex thing, but we can’t help but feel that asking the internet itself to consider its own existence is asking for trouble.
2. What is the point of…
We were expecting the top answer here to be ‘Piers Morgan’ but not even the all-powerful internet knows how to justify the existence of that ham-faced buffoon. The fact that wasps appear instead is even more baffling, because we know which one we’d rather join us for a picnic. It’s also good to see that nobody really knows what Bitcoin is, but it seems a bit optimistic to expect Google to solve an existential crisis.
3. How do you know if…
Ah, good old Doctor Google (or Bing in this case). Always on hand to diagnose your medical conditions without needing to wait for an appointment or qualify as a doctor. But can your local GP help you out with queries about your car tax? And can a mechanic tell you whether you’ve got insomnia? No they cannot. But Bing can.
4. Where in the world is…
Among the people sitting at their desks planning their next holiday (either hot or cold) it would seem that a significant proportion of Bing users are either trying to track down fictional villain Carmen Sandiego (due to make an appearance on Netflix next year) or working out which countries around the world have clocked off, so they can justify cracking open that can. Not sure it quite works like that…
5. How often should you…
There are some things that your body is quite good at telling you. You should know how often to wash based on how much you smell, for example, and the less said about the first question on this list the better. But radiators don’t tell you when they need bleeding and fire doors don’t start to smell when they need to be checked. Good job Bing exists then, eh?
6. Where is…
Geography clearly isn’t a strong point for Bing users, although it’s not really exotic countries in far-flung corners of the world that they struggle with. Those deskbound holiday planners pop up again, some of whom seem to have settled on Cape Verde as a destination but aren’t sure exactly where it is, while others seem to be tempted by a weekend in Hull, Grimsby or Plymouth.
7. Why does it…
Who knew there were still so many fans of late ‘90s indie four-piece Travis out there? Well if the number of people Googling ‘why does it always rain on me?’ is anything to go by, the Scottish borecore band still have quite the following. It’s unclear whether there’s any connection between them and the number of people asking: “why does it hurt when I poop?” though.
8. Is anyone…
Ever wondered if you’re the only person left alive on earth? Ironically, you’re not alone. Plenty of people have used Google to ask if there’s anyone else out there, while a not insignificant number have wondered whether anyone is allergic to water. Others have questioned if anyone is actually happy. Cheer up, guys…
9. Should I let my…
Bet you never knew Google was home to so many potential hamster euthanasiasts, did you? There also seem to be a lot of dog owners out there who are unsure what to let their faithful hound lick (the less said about that the better), while some people seem to apply the same logic to their children. Worrying.
10. Who is the best…
If Snow White was written today, rather than a magic mirror, the Evil Queen would surely use a magic search engine to find out who the fairest of them all was. Bing users seem more interested in the best footballers, wrestlers and YouTubers, but at least they’re also taking time out to research energy providers as well.
11. Who is the worst…
Of course, if people want to know the best, you can bet they’re interested in the worst too. After the usual YouTubers, footballers and singers, things take a turn for the dark, with Google users keen to know who the worst serial killer is and, perhaps disappointed by the answer to that, go all out and ask the internet to tell them who the worst person in the world is. No comment.
12. Why doesn’t my…
Anybody who’s resorted to asking the internet why their cat doesn’t like them is surely a newcomer to feline companionship. That’s just how it works. Just because you love them, feed them and provide them shelter doesn’t mean they have to show any gratitude. The fact that they’re not meowing is probably related and unlike the rest of the things on this list, you won’t find a solution on Google.
13. Is it OK…
There’s something quite pleasing about the fact that introverts use Bing rather than Google to find out if there’s anything wrong with them (there’s not). And while it’s fine to ask the internet about reheating rice, you should probably leave the drug advice to chemists. Our favourite query here, though, is the somewhat poetic: ‘Is it OK to walk dogs in snow?’, which sounds like an outtake from Rutger Hauer’s monologue at the end of Blade Runner.
14. Why isn’t there any…
It’s perfectly normal to head to Google looking for tech support. We’ve all done it, with sound issues cropping up more than once in this example, but every now and then more profound questions pop up, such as: why isn’t there any snow, why isn’t there any wind on the moon, and the big one we’re all waiting for the powers that be to answer: why are there no B batteries?
15. Is there anything…
Didn’t manage to make it to the end credits of Justice League? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Plenty of people sacked it off and just asked Google what happened at the end instead, and the same goes for The Last Jedi and Jumanji. The best part about this question, though, is the number of people asking Google if there’s anything they can help it with. Well, it only seems fair.
16. Is it safe to…
It seems there are plenty of countries around the world that Google users are unsure about visiting, although we’ve never heard of Reheat Rice. Does anybody know where that is?
17. What does it mean when…
There are few things more boring than hearing about other people’s dreams, but fortunately Google doesn’t complain. That’s why there are so many queries about what particular dreams mean, interspersed with some minor medical issues (one more worrying than the other) and a couple about why cats and dogs like you. We’re not qualified vets but it probably means you taste nice.
18. Why shouldn’t…
People Googling ‘why shouldn’t I’ questions have clearly decided they want to do something, or worse, have just done it and are now worried they’ve made a terrible mistake. That means a lot of these questions were probably typed out by people who have just eaten green potatoes before bed and are worried that a zombie potato is going to grow inside them overnight.
19. Will there ever…
Split fairly evenly between people looking for cures for common medical conditions and those who just want to see the cast of Friends reunited for a movie, it feels like there’s a missed opportunity here. A Friends reunion with all the money made from it going towards finding a cure for baldness? What’s not to like? Well, as long as it doesn’t cause the outbreak of World War 3.
20. Why isn’t there…
Each year on International Women’s Day, comedian Richard Herring does his best to point out when International Men’s Day is to scores of incredulous idiots on Twitter (it’s 19 November) but clearly some of them make their way to Bing to check that he’s not lying to them.
