The Samedi is an eclectic electric exercise machine for two

What brightly painted new hell is this?

Cool it, turkey breath. You knew this was coming. Every year, about this time, a pile of Roses wrappers will mutter the inevitable line: “I think we need to join a gym.” And what will really wobble your giblets is the smug look on the face of the gym salesperson, as they double the joining fee and talk about “a January special”.

Those polyester-clad plonkers… but this won’t help. We’ve got bikes in the garage that we never use.

We’re guessing they’re still covered in a thick layer of tantrum from the first trip out, right? Two people plus two bikes does not a shared experience make – mismatched energy levels, directional differences and the very correct suspicion that the bike you bought yourself is superior to the bike you bought them.

Ha, yes. I hid the price tags. A tandem bike, though? Do they not require an even mightier melding of minds and legs?

Ah, meet the Samedi 27 X2. It’s an e-tandem. French e-bike specialist Moustache has employed some cunning engineering so that the electric assistance to the wheels is uniform regardless of what irregular input is given to the front and rear pedals. The Bosch motor system is similar to that of other e-bikes – with varying Eco, Tour, Sport and Turbo assistance modes – but with a custom split cable allowing two 500wh batteries to be connected. Good, says the Samedi’s creator, for more than 60 miles depending on how much group effort you decide to put in, and whether you’re riding up Snowdon or just into Swindon.

Sounds harmonious. And cheaper than a gym membership too, I hope?

Uh, maybe in the long, long term. A mountain bike tandem is an expensive bit of engineering, with strong wheels, 140mm-travel front suspension, a rear suspension seatpost and powerful ‘four-pot’ Magura disc brakes to bring the whole thing to a halt. It’s available in two versions: mountain bike and the slicker-tyred, mudguarded Trekking. Add in the electric motors and those two batteries and the sum total is an eye-watering £5099.

Gak. I think I just coughed up a mince pie.

But, think on this: what do you have out on the bike trails that you don’t have in gyms? Cake stops.